It’s time to kill the old Friendster account that has sat there untouched for years… it’s cropping up with undesirable results when Googling my name.
Truth be told, the only reason I didn’t kill it a while ago is it contained some very nice “testimonials” from friends. Which were the precursors to Myspace “comments” and Facebook “wall posts.”
So that they won’t be lost for good… here are the testimonials I received. They are delightful! The first four in blue are my favorites…
From friend Allison on 2/8/04:
You dashing, magnetic, kinetic, wise and quick-witted lad. Must you always radiate such an all-powerful tractor beam of charm… Yes, I think you must.
From old friend Steve on 10/6/03:
M is perhaps the only person I know to have successfully transformed a trailer on a remote island into a temporary discotheque with the use of a flashlight and bunch of empty beer cans tied to the ceiling. We are all mere students in M’s School of Rock!
From Humuhumu on 7/27/03:
Surely a modern-day answer to Elvis, the Sasquatch and Angelyne all in one freaky package, this sexy beast is destined to be famous for being famous. Reports of “M Sightings” will be shared in hushed tones. The people will marvel at how he never really aged, and great myths will rise up surrounding his mysterious origins. Long after he dies, M Impostors will revel in the gasps of shocked, unsuspecting fools as they offer brief glimpses of a long-lost legend. When I say “I knew him when…” my grandchildren will roll their eyes and refill my bourbon.
From Laura on 5/20/03:
a barrel of monkeys? HA! when it comes to fun, all you need is *one* gorilla–provided that gorilla just so happens to be ‘gorilla x, gorilla to the stars’ (aka ‘the liberace of gorillas’)…
but seriously: what else can i say about my dear friend, M? well, in addition to being one hell of a sharp dresser, he’s also *the* guy you want watching your back if you’re ever… oh, i dunno… say, the only straight people in the rowdiest gay bar on bourbon street, ’roundabout sunrise, when, say, a fistfight breaks out between two incredibly hot, drunk, and (of course) scantily clad SISTERS sitting next to you, and the 350-lb. tranny bouncer starts hasslin’ YOU.
i guess what i’m really trying to say is that that M is one hell of a stand-up guy, not to mention the coolest gorilla impersonator — EVER.
From friend Maggie, on 1/28/04:
Could this man’s teeth be any whiter?!? things are always more fun and exciting when M’s around. i heard he used his sheer will to make a police car crash! that’s some power, baby! that’s M!
From my friend Karen, on 12/8/03:
After admiring M’s friendster profile from afar, I grabbed him one night to shriek at him about The Three O’Clock and he shrieked back. (This does not happen very often.) And now I think I have a new best friend — he is the yin to my yang, the flipside of my coin, the match to the earring I lost in 1984… Plus he not only *lets* me drunk dial him at 2 am, he *encourages* it. (And that doesn’t happen very often, either.) When I see his name in my inbox, I hum a hit song by The Partridge Family. M fucking ROCKS. xoxoxo
From my friend Sunny, who passed away a few years ago from injuries sustained in a car accident:
M was my gorilla in shining armor at Tease-o-Rama. This wonderful primate will go to the ends of the earth for a damsel in distress. He is truly a gentleman, that’s why all of the burlesque dancers don’t mind him monkeying around while they change back stage! He has a sombrero party fetish makes me giggle. Opening his bag of party tricks was like discovering lost treasure: barrel of monkeys, snake in a can, water guns, funny masks, etch-a-sketch. This man knows how to party! We must share the same brain, spouting the same phrases at the exact same time. Captain Morgan and I will meet you in the jungle anytime for a refreshing beverage and a sombrero party. Oh la la!
From Caren on 10/15/03, in reference to Tease-o-rama shenanigans:
Only M could get me flashing at cameras, 3am on a Sunday morning…wearing a sombrero. In LA, no less. He’s a bad, bad influence…and from a Gun Street Girl, that’s a compliment of the highest order.
From Matthew on 9/16/03:
Monkey boy or is that Gorilla X? M is a man we should all aspire to be more like. Free in spirit and wild at heart. From Vegas to SLO to San Francisco I will follow this man and the adventures that always ensue. The only thought more interesting than what his next adventure will be is when or if this man will actually reproduce himself into little M-lets one day. Now there is a thought to ponder?????
From Steve O on 9/8/03. Obviously fake but funny:
I did m’s makeup for the maury show, he was a diva with a heart of gold. Or maybe i’m thinking of that transvestite hooker, anyways he is a beautiful human being and you can eat candy from his neck.
From Lisa B on 9/8/03:
M is one of my best fishbone friends. We met randomly when he asked me to take a picture of him with Angelo of Fishbone and we have been buddies ever since! He’s the best roadtrip partner as long as his narcolepsy is in check.
From Roo on 8/20/03:
Who’s hoooouse? Mmmm’s house!
From Erin P on 8/10/03:
A sweet and sexy monkey boy. 🙂
From Nicole on 6/25/03:
M is on the greatest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. He is kind hearted and always there when you need him. I also love to run my fingers through his Gorilla Fur =)
From Celine on 4/13/03:
The best boy that I can think of to be on your bed in a sultry pose with a whip in his mouth.Trust me. I have pics.